Ten things mentally resilient people do
Changes start with you, how you experience life and how your life unfolds. Personal evolution or development can be guided consciously. Let’s get into it.
1. ‘Cut the Cancer Off’- This phrase came to me from a dear friend at a difficult time. Recognizing that certain people in your life need to go, and it needs to be cut and dry. Then you monitor it closely to ensure no new growth (meaning make sure that any new relationships or old for that matter, are still serving you if not, let them go.)
2. Stagnation- When you stop growing, training, learning, evolving, taking new moves or risks, this is a flag. It is in our nature to stay in a ‘safe’ bubble- for survival but that’s the old brain thinking. When in reality the next phone call you make could positively change your life, and yes, while unnerving- is so necessary rather than letting it be a source of fear that inhibits you from truly thriving in life.
3. Negative Self Talk- Have you ever REALLY paid attention to the internal monologue that plays 24/7? The way you speak to yourself — is it as kind as the way you speak to your dearest friend?
Step one- Notice, Step two - STOP it, Step three- Replace it with a more helpful thought. Thoughts lead to behaviors.
4. Completion vs Perfection- Perfectionism can ‘set in’ as early as age 5. In certain people, and professions these habits can be enhanced. I have spent the majority of my career in the veterinary profession- where the culture is largely dependent on this very ‘dangerous’ way of life. Retraining your brain for completion can move someone with anxieties around perfectionism and ‘control’ into effectively operating and completing the many tasks in any given day. Furthermore allowing you to take the leap into something LARGER for your life, rather than procrastinating or never pulling the trigger because your thing isn’t ‘perfect, ideal, what you had in mind’ just DO IT. (Come on, we’ve heard that before but literally- do it!)
I tell our interns and the people on our team when they get that itchy feeling before hitting send or calling someone just verbally out loud say “F- IT” and send. (because all in all, the likelihood is that any high performer is not going to mess something up nearly as bad as what we make it out in our head to be and IT WORKS!!! It’s Liberating!!
5. Anger is like a lump of hot coal in your hand and your hand only. Enter Stage Right, Forgiveness. There is likely another, a higher viewpoint that you can take away from interactions, relationships, and life experiences if you shift your way of thinking into forgiveness, appreciation, and even learn that lesson. Forgive even yourself for things that you have done, the choices you made. Consider forgiveness meditations, or researching the art of forgiveness. Let it set you free. Get away from the victim mentality and express that desire to release what holds you back.
6. Grudges are shifted to a mindset of Gratitude- You cannot simultaneously be pissed and grateful at the same time. Move your expectations (especially those you haven’t voiced and expect (once again) people to read your mind — into an attitude of gratitude/appreciation. Gratitude can be broadly defined but my favorite definition is
“Conceptualized as an emotion a virtue, a moral sentiment, a motive, a coping response, a skill, and an attitude.” It is all this and more. Minimally Gratitude is an emotional response to a gift.
This my friends is a practice. The practice of Gratitude. There are times when I will pop on the floor- HALTING all things if I’m in a whirlwind of negativity and simply rattle off mentally, verbally, writing it, back and forth w/ someone else (any way you want) things I am grateful for. Immediately releasing the tension in my body and then consciously shifting into my ‘better or higher’ self to proceed with the moments to follow.
7. Keeping up with the Jones’- Stop comparing, stop trying to keep up with values that do not align with yours, often on a quest for material goods. Understand that often they will not bring you closer to your inner peace or state of bliss and enjoyment, contentment. Practice non-attachment and don’t hoard what you do get.
Let it go, Let it Flow.
8. Staying Down vs Bouncing Back- ‘Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face’ We’re talking about resilience here folks! By employing this mentality and any other personal or mental training skills you can begin to handle the toughest stuff with ‘grace’. Handling my divorce in my 30’s was what people called gracefully by those same people who knew me in my 20’s, handling 20 yr old problems when I was a more like a hot mess.
9. Lone wolf seeks the Tribe- In the darkest of times, people often think that they have to go it alone. Isolation creates the negative loop that doesn’t help you move forward or close the gap. Hidden behind shame or vulnerability, humans forget that when you speak up, you just might find out that the person next to you has been through the same thing. Meditate, Pray, Phone a Friend, Sit next to a companion, Hug someone (including your animals-YES) for 60 seconds. (it releases oxytocin, the bonding chemical). Building a support system is key for thriving. If you are ready to take things to the next level, consider hiring a development coach.
10. Challenge your fears with your Intuition
“You don’t always have to know the Why, but you have to listen.” -Todd Kays Sports Phychologist
How many times do your logic, ego, and analytics talk you out of something and steered you in a direction away from your true values? Check-in with yourself, your heart, your soul, your essence. My dear friend and mentor Todd told me the above words, “you don’t always have to know why, but you have to listen” and it felt like he touched my soul- tears immediately welled up and I just knew we struck a chord. I was not listening. Our anxiety stops us before we even get started. Let. that. go.